Cancelled = Broken

I am broken.  I never even got a chance.  My RE cancelled the retrieval and I am devastated.  My Estrodiol levels were almost 10,000 so when I answered the phone and it was my doctor instead of the nurse, I knew it wasn't happening.  I don't understand it.  My body has always responded well to medications and I thought that was a good thing???  Not this time.  All the time, sticks and needles and all the hopes and dreams are shattered before they even began.

I shouldn't have allowed myself to get excited.  How could I have been so naive??? 

It's not fair and I am hurting. 

We've hit a speed bump

Hello friends,

The weekend wedding in MN was a great way to keep my mind busy and off of IVF.  It's been a rough couple of days but I wanted to update you...

Yesterday, I had a blood draw...  They called me in the evening and said not to stim anymore because my Estrodiol was 3,000 and they wanted to see me in the morning for another draw.  I returned for my morning scan and draw this morning and shortly after I arrived to work, they called with new results...  Not so good news...  My Estrodiol level has gone through the roof and is 6,568 which is a scary dangerous range.  I asked the nurse what happens if my Estrodiol doesn't go down and she replied "we cannot do the retrieval."  I was a little shocked, I never thought NO RETRIEVAL was ever an option.  I am a little devastated.  I thought the only devastation would be a BFN pregnancy test...  Well, another lesson learned the hard way. 

My boss says "if your levels can increase that fast, they can certainly decrease just as quickly."  I know she has watched her parents struggle with cancer for too many years and I know she is right but I am still expecting the worst.

My friend Emily says "remember there ARE two outcomes."  I appreciate the kind words and right now, I really need prayers.

Right now, I am on a HIGH sodium diet.  The salt helps soak up the excessive fluid in my ovaries and is supposed to help to avoid OHSS.  OHSS is Ovarian Hyperstimmulation Syndrome which can be VERY scary and hinder fertility permanently. 

Thanks for the prayers friends,
Candice

Stimmy Stimmerson

Wake up little follies!  After my ultrasound/scan on Thursday last week, my estrodial was too low so I was instructed to cut my Lupron in half so my follicles could wake up when I started stimulating yesterday.  I surely feel like they are waking up today, lots of O pains.  Yay!

Here is a photo of all my medications.  Yikes!  I love the Follistim Pen!  I was able to poke myself this morning because it's a mini needle and super easy to use.  Sorry Rob, 1 less stab for you. 

I cannot believe my transfer is next week.  After my transfer, I will be in the dreadful two week wait and I have been instructed to take it easy.  No working out for 1-2 weeks but I can walk 1 week post transfer.

I'm in a wedding this weekend back home, I am very much looking forward to it.  It will keep me busy and of course I enjoy seeing my friends and family.  Monday (Memorial Day) should be my last scan (ALREADY)?!?!  And we should schedule the retrieval and transfer.  Woah! 

Have a wonderful holiday weekend everyone. 

A Wonderful Visit

I always enjoy family visits.  Period.  This weekend, my husband's mom and her husband came to visit.  We had such a wonderful time and it was the best way to keep our minds off of IVF.  As soon as our family arrived, we took them to the John Deere factory where Rob works.  After the tour we enjoyed the Tulip Festival in Pella IA.  Pella is a Dutch community and the Tulip festival celebrates Dutch traditions.  We decided early on that if we were to embrace the traditions, a creme filled bismark was necessary!  It was delicious.  Here is a photo of my mother and father in-law on a Pella tour. 

Unfortunately, I had to work on Saturday but my husband kept me posted on the fun I was missing.  Here is a photo of Nancy and Bob dressed in front of the American Gothic House in Eldon IA.  Aren't they adorable?  I could have died when my husband showed me this photo.

After work, we made a nice dinner and for desert had Dutch Letters and made s'mores on a bonfire underneath the Supermoon. 

Sunday morning we took a 2 minute break from our family to focus on IVF.  It felt great to start the antibiotics finally!

Sunday we decided to bare the storms that were surrounding Ottumwa and golf 18 holes!  Thankfully we had golf carts!  Here is a photo of Nancy and Bob enjoying the great weather!  Thankfully, the storms missed us!

And a photo of my sweet husband and me also enjoying the day.

 It wasn't all glam, we DID actually golf 18 holes.  Well?  We spent most of our day searching for our balls in the deep brush and sand traps. 

This morning was a sad goodbye.  My mother in-law is known to get emotional while leaving us and today was that kind of morning.  I hate saying goodbye to her and I cannot wait to see her again.