Very Bad News

After 4 years of TTC.  We finally got our BFP via IVF.  We were so excited.  We had all these plans to decorate the nursery, announce on facebook, enjoy Halloween while pregnant.  I was looking forward to growing a big baby belly.  DH and I discussed names and we SO excited to be parents together...  Now it's all over. 

 

We went in for our 7 week ultrasound yesterday and there was no heartbeat.  We are broken. 


I'm angry.  I feel SO inferior to friends who have children and/or are pregnant.  I feel like I have no one to turn to because no one understands what this feels like.  I have been isolating myself from people who care about me because I just can't face them, they don't understand me or my feelings and they don't know what I am going through.  There is nothing anyone can say to make this pain go away.  I am in a hell. 

How the hell am I supposed to decide to physically scrape my baby out or allow my body to scrape it?  Either way, it was a baby and my heart aches for my baby.  I waited patiently for this baby and now I have nothing.  My dreams are shattered.  I allowed myself to be happy; I let my guard down for this baby and what a lesson I have learned.

How did I get here again? 

5 weeks!

Pregnant!!

Hello friends!

It's been a while but I wanted to update you all. I tested with a pregnancy test a tad early (woops!) and shockingly was positive!

Both blood tests came out good! HCG levels are rising. Slowly but rising. I am eating lots of protein!

Rob and I have been shopping for nursery furniture already! So much fun!

Don't get me wrong, I have days where I am scared as heck that I will lose this little bubsie but friends have helped me along and for now, taking it day by day! I'm trying to enjoy this while I can!

Muah! Happiest I have been my whole life is right now.